Alanna Ubach, Phoebe Robinson, Jonathan Kite – Martial Sharts – @midnight with Chris Hardwick
And now it’s time to play
Martial Sharts. Martial Sharts. Of all the classic videos, there’s one that still
has the same impact that it did in the days of dial-up,
and here it is. (bleep) Mmm. It has really aged
like a fine wine. Let’s not forget
that YouTube is crammed with awful martial arts videos
for your cringing pleasure. I’m gonna show you a karate
video gone wrong and for 250 points you’re gonna
have to answer a question about it, all right?
First up, there’s this video, filmed at a Canadian
karaoke shack around 1999. ♪ Rock your body right ♪ Oh, my God, we’re back again I mean… ROBINSON:
What the… Every (bleep) piece of this
is amazing. Every element of it. So, I…
So you’ve heard of, like,Crouching Tiger,
Hidden Dragon,right? What is this
fighting style called? Phoebe. Rapid pussy drying. -Aah!
-It’s not… it’s not… -HARDWICK: I mean…
-Done. -I’m dry.
-Yeah. Oh, I’m dry. Uh, Jonathan Kite. Crouching virgin, hidden girdle. All right, points.
Points. Alanna. The, uh, only known footage
of the Zodiac killer. -Yes, points, there he is.
-ROBINSON: Yeah. He loves a little… Backstreet. All right, next one. The ingeniously-named
“Karate Rap”. ♪ I don’t mean to brag,
I don’t mean to boast ♪ ♪ But I’ve trained karate
from coast to coast ♪ WOMAN:
♪ Karate ♪ Train your body ♪ I train for fun ♪ I’m a shogun What is this guy’s
secret finishing move? Jonathan. Finishing off a guy
in the bathroom. -Yeah, that’s right, points.
-ROBINSON: Oh, yeah. -It’s…
-HARDWICK: Yeah? It’s called
the mortal (bleep) bat. Yeah, poi… Perfect. Perfect. Next one… this pacifist sensei for kids. ♪ We let the bad go by ♪ And find we’re free to fly ♪ Just walk away, run away,
step away, get away ♪ ♪ Any way that lets you
be well on your way ♪ Oh… oh, he’s gonna (bleep) you. Yeah. He will. But before he does, how do you earn your black belt
from this guy? Phoebe. If you promise not to call
child protective services. -Oh, yeah, yeah.
-Points. Points. Points. Jonathan Kite. Aiding this warrior
in his greatest battle: -the custody battle.
-HARDWICK: Yeah. Hey, those are my kids too. All right, points. Finally, behold the the kung fu and drumming skills
of Dragon Todd. (grunting) That poor cat. What’s the name of dragon– not meaning pussy,
in this case– Uh… What is the name of Dragon
Todd’s dojo? Phoebe. Tae Kwon Don’t Leave Me,
Helen, Please! -UBACH: Yeah! -Yeah, points.
-I can change! -UBACH: Oh, that’s awesome.
-I’m sick of your (bleep), Todd. I told you if you did
your martial arts and scared the cat again
I was (bleep) off, so I’m leaving, Todd.