I HATE HALLOWEEN

I HATE HALLOWEEN


Halloween. The October 31st annual holiday that celebrates um… What does Halloween celebrate, exactly? Well the origin of Halloween is actually an interesting tale. That’s celebrated- *doorbell rings* Sh*t. Trick-Or-Treaters, oh gimme a sec… **why is there a fully grown man dressed in cow pajamas??** Trick or Track. F*ck off. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah. Halloween used to represent a cool story that actually had some kind of meaning. Now, it’s a good excuse to hold large parties to get excessively drunk and wear skimpy clothing. An excuse for supermarkets to sell tacky merchandise. And most importantly of all of course, it helps the children of our nations get diabetes. So as you probably know, most people in the UK including myself, are a bunch of angry and cynical tossers who can only find enjoyment from criticizing, complaining, or making YouTube videos. And this attitude spreads to our feelings about Halloween. Seeing as the holiday takes place on October 31st Just about the beginning of our ghastly sub-zero winters. So quite simply, Halloween is a cold and miserable time when most people would rather rest in front of a fire as opposed to escorting their young children around town, practically stealing sweets from strangers they’ve probably never even met before. So Halloween is supposed to represent the end of the harvest season and it’s supposed to mark the day where the boundaries between the living and the dead overlapped. Hence why you would dress up in scary outfits to mimic or scare the evil spirits. You can really tell how this story is totally remembered and is the prime focus of the holiday, right? **No** Right?? So as it stands right now, I am not a fan of Halloween purely because it is more of a corporate excuse to sell crappy merchandise rather than have a genuinely meaningful holiday. But you know what? This year, I’m going to try something special. I’m going to attempt to do some traditional Halloween things I’ve never done before to see if it changes my mind on what I think about the holiday. While I highly doubt it will, I may as well at least give it a try. So first thing on the list, make a costume! Right, this should be simple enough. Just change my face to a pumpkin in post will you Aqualad? **epic typing ensues** **hacking intensifies** There. Well that was boring, simple, and involved me having to waste my time drawing a pumpkin. So at the moment, f*ck Halloween. Okay then what’s next? Trick-or-treating. Oh yes, the part where I ask random strangers to give me free food or I threaten to damage their property or well-being through means of trickery Now this is more like it! Trick-Or-Treat. Mate you’re like, 20 years old. Y-you can’t trick or treat. What? Well why not?! Mate. It’s only for kids. Oh sorry, my mistake. I didn’t read the Halloween Rulebook! You know what mate, you’ve got a good costume though. Oh, give me a second, I’ll go grab something. Huh. Well that was simple enough. Here you go! Really? You have to be that one guy who gives everyone fruit? Oh screw this. Right, so Trick-or-Treating was an awful and disastrous experience. I guess now- Woah! Oh no… This is the worst trick in all of Halloween history. Some bastard has brought Kite Man back to life Yes, it is I! Back from the grave… You know what? I don’t even care how you were brought back to life s-so don’t even tell me. W-well uh, oh… Well, you sure ruined my monologue I was about to make. Yeah. I don’t care. Now f*ck off. Nyeh! I will get revenge for that! You will see… You will see! My Monologue will return! God, I am sorry about that. That was, that was awful. So anyway. Where was I? Oh yeah, I’ve got one more thing to do to make my Halloween complete. Carve a Jack-O’-Lantern. So let’s see what this is all about. **stock music intensifies** .-. Well this sucks ass. **hardcore rock music joins the battle!** **are you okay Alex?** **mental breakdown intensifies** o-o **is this ‘Law and Order: Special Victims Unit’?** Ah. So you know what? I tried, people. I really tried to like Halloween. I just can’t do it. Perhaps one day some friendly Americans could show me how to do it properly, but until that day comes… …f*ck this holiday. Hey, just a friendly reminder to like my obligatory Facebook page for the latest updates or whatever bollocks I’m doing. Bye!

23 comments

  • David Ong

    I Hate Halloween Too!

    Reply
  • Nanner Dunlocke

    Why not try dressing up as a character from a From Software game?

    Reply
  • Go left

    Actually, Halloween is a pagan holyday. And the tradition is different than what you've shown, Alex (as far as I know). I think that you don't carve a pumpkin, but you carve a potato or a squash. You don't beg people for candy, you beg them for fruits and/or vegetables. You should wear a scary costume, carve a jack-o-lanthern as well as possible (or a few more) and put the jack-o-lanthern in front of your hose or on the porch, to light the way of the dead. That's all I know, c ya m8.

    Reply
  • Azrael Strutlokov

    I´m glad you Uk´ers want to make videos, I like almost every british youtuber I find, with the exception of two really horrible ones.

    Reply
  • Acer McCduck

    TWAT !!!

    Reply
  • DEVAN KOSHELANYK

    I'm starting to fell like you hate everything…

    Reply
  • DEVAN KOSHELANYK

    tbh I only do it for free candy

    Reply
  • Mar Galexia

    I like Halloween because it's an excuse to cosplay.

    Reply
  • hydroid 10

    It is I the ghost of the future, I have come to warn you of pesky trick or treaters…..

    Reply
  • Jakub Hrabia Owadowski

    It's good to like Christmas. Liking Halloween is… BLAM! HERESY!

    Reply
  • aceofclubs002

    I'm gonna force my kids to watch the first three "Halloween" movies, which will give them A: an awareness of stranger danger, B: the importance of Samhain and their Irish heritage, and C: the horrors of modern American Medicine (lot of hospitals in those sequels). between that and the inevitable night terrors, my kids may not even want to buy into this shameful corporate nonsense.

    Reply
  • Karuminu2

    My big problem with Halloween is the food waste. All those pumpkins farmers worked their butts off all year to grow go to complete waste because people buy them only to carve up and smash. They don't eat a bit of the fresh pumpkin that could have been made into home-baked Halloween treats, like pumpkin gingerbread or cookies or cakes. It definitely makes for better sweets on Halloween instead of crappy store-bought candy riddled with sugar, additives, chemicals and preservatives and cocoa illegally harvested from the Amazon rainforest the same corporations clear cut away every day.
    Pumpkins are delicious and good for you, DON'T WASTE FOOD YOU TWATS!

    Reply
  • LWD 03

    T R I C K O R T R A C K

    Reply
  • Handington

    That was the most gentle pumpkin smashing I've ever seen, I loved it

    Reply
  • Andrew Knowles

    Do you like Halloween Garbage? 🗑https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=M7t19xN5PL4👻

    Reply
  • 1 million subscribers without any content

    I don't like it too but it gives you an excuse to cosplay

    Reply
  • Weapon Master

    Holloween giving kids diabetes seens forever

    Reply
  • JoNatHan K

    One Halloween I tried to make Alice Angel .
    From the Bendy and the Ink machine video game.

    Reply
  • Ece Burns Blue

    I can say honestly most videos I agree with ihe. today I do not, and that’s totally fine. I completely respect his opinion. I want to say that I love Halloween because 1) I’m American and 2) I dress up in special effects makeup and scary stuff to freak people out.
    And usually get together with a few good friends as well. I think anyone can appreciate a holiday their own way, no right or wrong way to do anything really.

    Reply
  • Toxic [God of Chaos]

    Can I be a friendly American 6 years later?

    Reply
  • cat y

    Trust me most American people are not nice

    Reply
  • Stephen Yu

    it celebrates diabetes

    Reply
  • ThatOneLucario

    The thing I hate most about Halloween is pumpkins. They stink like mad

    Reply

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